(April 13th)

Well, I think I finally gotta slow down and release these a bit less frequently. I'm going to change format and start adding on dated notes for about a week at a time on every new release.

... Man this album cover sure is ugly... I think that's kinda the joke I was making... Looks like anything EXCEPT being in ship shape condition.

I spent a good portion of today doing research for the homestead... stuff about kinds of plants to grow to eat, ideas for keeping poultry or other animals, ideas for building some kind of pond with a pump and waterfall.

Waiting sucks. I'll make it but I wish we could just see each other already.

I'm a little shy about talking about it, but one of the only paintings I've done in 2024 was of you. I stayed up till 2 am the other night painting it. It's also like the only painting of a modern person from a picture that I have ever done. It honestly turned out pretty good. I'm just trying to get through the days without losing my mind and that is a bit of a tall order some days. But I'm staying strong, thinking of you and trying to keep focused and productive.

We love you.

(April 14th)

Yesterday we went to look at the new land snd we got spring water. I painted after I came home. It was a good day. I am sorry we couldn't spend it with you. You were in our thoughts from start to finish and beyond.

I saw the moon in the day time yesterday. Kind of a mundane sight but right after an eclipse it sure does remind us of a few things. We miss you, Elise. I can only hope we are missed too.

I'm always a little slow waking up. Life can really kick your ass if you let it. Thank you for giving me a reason to wake up at all. You are Ribo both give me a reason to live even after all else fades.

I'll try to be productive today. I wish you were here. We'll get through it, though. We love you.

(April 15th)

Hey Elise. I woke up pretty early, remembered a scene from a movie and cried. It was kinda dumb. It was from the last unicorn when Molly yells "where have you been!" At the unicorn, asking why she could not have cone when she was innocent and youthful. I'm tearing up a bit now even recalling it. Apparently that film effected a lot of people emotionally though, even some bands I've listened to for over a decade now like Mastodon.

I'm gonna petition my mom for tools to start cleaning up the land with today and additionally, I'm going to be talking to Ribo's parents because she kinda does need a new work computer to start working from home with.

The world is getting darker so we gotta keep a bright attitude about ourselves.

(April 16th part 1)

I have the tools needs for the land. Strange shadows of the past always haunt me when I return to canton. I know bad things still go on up that way. It was a long drive back, got hassled by a cop in the national forest over a license plate light.

The state of the world is scaring tf out of me. I have an idea how some of these stories of world politics end, and it's not a pretty picture. I know I can't just hide my head in the sand from it.

I finally got my mom to sit down and talk to me about everything that happened between you, me and Ribo and she actually saw me as rather credible, had no negative quips to offer... It went well. The world is crashing down but discussing the future and all my feelings about life with my mom at a nice restaurant went well. She even kinda seemed to approve. So... I mean... Idk, at-least for me, that is incredibly relieving.

My mom and I haven't always gotten along and to be able to be doing so well now after everything is a blessing. I'm sorry if I'm rambling. I'm sleep deprived and stressed out. The news looks like a shitty remake of an 80's sci-fi apocalypse movie anymore.

I want us to be able to happy together. I pray the world can hold its shit together long enough for us to be able to accomplish that. We love you. I'll get some sleep. Fuck... I'll try to get a new release out soon. I was kinda waiting till after this latest trip north to be over with.

Till then, I'll be thinking of you.

(April 16th part 2)

I am excited to use these tools out on the land this week. Seems like things are going okay. We miss you terribly. As I mentioned in my sub-note from last night, my mother even seems pretty supportive about you, me, Ribo and this stressful situation.