(APRIL 20th pt 1)

Hey Elise. Been thinking of you. Got another ep done. Things are pretty calm here. Today as 420 so I imagine I'll see DJ in the course of today.

I finished writing 'the watch tower' yesterday evening. It took some serious doing. I'll post a link to the draft.

docs.google.com/document/d/1AZvBwPUwcuyzc6bZTEOK8_CE5k9HqFi5I8YO7_nTRQo/edit

Imo, my writing can get a little dismal and very intense but it's worth a glance to anybody who can get through it. At home Ribo usually reads them out loud.

I don't expect you to read it, but I felt bad you didn't have access, especially to this story. We love you, Elise. I dream of the day we can see each other again.

(APRIL 20th pt 2)

The moment I was writing the tragic ending of act 4, Slak (Sage Basu) called, distraught and unsure of why they had called me. I cried for an hour after they were off the phone. To remember a past life or two is a nice fantasy, but to have recall as far back as I have borders on decadent and profane.

In 2021, I met an old quaker near rock bridge. He seemed know already that I was supposed to move to rock bridge and he seemed already to know who I was and what shadow of guilt dud follow me even from form to form like a curse. The silver 8 pointed star hung about my neck was likely a dead give away given his education level.

He told me I had repented what I did in a past life to the world, but not what I had done to my immediate loved ones (reincarnating identities) in so many words.

After seeing the sacrifice it dawned upon me that I must give up something or make a sacrifice and that scared the shit out of me.

But then I met you... when the confusion alleviated, I realized that something asinine that they told me in church when I was a kid was kind of true: "god doesn't ask to do or change anything we can't do or change". Yeah I don't know if that is universally true. But it does seem true here, at least.

What am I supposed to sacrifice? How about my time so that we can have a farm and finished art and a family. How about my autonomous self control. How about the freedoms that come with not having children like irresponsibility etc? What begins as freedom in your teens can really sour into a prison as you age and there are some freedoms I'm tiring of. I want to settle down and live like a grown adult with you and Shane because I'm gonna get old either way. Accepting my age and being mature about taking steps forward is the only responsible next step. Most of my friends have no friends, no families, are struggling to live like they are twenty one years old forever and are bitter than I've so much as dreamed of getting a life befitting of someone in their thirties, and my thirties are only like nine months away.

I can make the sacrifices of hard-work, forgiveness and dedication. I want to.

(APRIL 21st pt 1)

Hey Elise. Hope you're having a good weekend. With my book (rough draft) being done, I think I need to stop and clean up around here a little bit. After I've done that I'll try to have some new releases for you.

We got chipotle yesterday for the first time in what must have honestly been months. Ribo's new laptop shipped so she should be doing remote work soon.

I find that I think about you and about the future from sun up to sun down if I do not implement a proper schedule for myself. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy stopping to think about as often as may day allows, however.

I'll try to put up a second entry today about poultry for the homestead. I've been researching stuff like what breeds to keep, ethics, home veterinary practices (reptiles go the same way so thats nothing new), home construction... All the damn things.

(APRIL 21st pt 2)

Hey Elise. I'm getting some time in making music today. I'm prioritizing "-/P_C\-" but trying not to let permian records completely sputter out. So I've been picking at some new releases for those projects while trying to set deadlines and stuff for this project to stay motivated.

So seems like when we first get set up on the land we should get like Plymouth rock chickens and start saving up for black copper marans and silkies. Gotta start somewhere. Their 'stats' seem most ideal for our cause. We can get African geese as a first line if defense against predation and add Guineas once we are past the rookie mistakes. I really want Narragansett turkeys but I understand like the Marans, those are heritage stock.

Our best bet for hogs or goats imo are gonna be new Zealand breeds, maybe some la mencha, maybe hybrids. I wanna try to get Damascus goats some day. I'll bet those could pay some bills.

I think I said before, I don't want to cramp the pasture. I want to keep numbers low-ish. Leaves room for like maybe horse or something, although buying land somewhere else on the street should maybe be a long term priority. My memory is spotty sometimes. If I'm too worried about being wrong, well... that's when I get shit wrong. But I think I remember a dialogue we had about horses.

I couldn't come up with like 20 acres but I did what I could. Any bigger and even my mom might struggle to help me keep it. This establishment process is rough. I've been looking into a few very specific tasks that almost need to predate construction. Shanes laptop gets here soon so we should be able to end this silly deadlock with my mom on funding. Regardless, here is what I think needs done out there.

• Dead wood needs cut up because gigantic dead trees are ovscurying all the through ways.

• stumps need removed

•debris need raked up.

• grass needs planted and let me get to that in a sec

•basic paths needs to be established and marked.

A lot of clearing can be accomplished with goats and dj and a house for a home base but that needs done before all else.

I have an interest in gathering plants from the eastern agricultural complex to seed as weeds around the pasture (if safe, I'll do ample research) and around the house and garden areas so to help hold land together and to increase usable edible plant life without depleting soil.

I love you. I wish you were here, I'm always afraid that I'm going to find out that I'm just an idiot. I guess, aren't we all...

(APRIL 22nd)

I have a new album uploaded but the cover isn't up yet. I'll try to have it out before noon, I'll put my daily message up on that release when it is ready after breakfast.